Message in a Sermon

Sometimes I feel like I am not praying enough, reading the Bible enough, or being still enough to hear God's voice.  Am I doing something wrong?  It's amazing how I can beat myself up, not just daily, but moment to moment. 

Madison, an older gentleman in our Life Group has so many words of wisdom, and he has said it takes time to recognize God's voice. He's not the loud booming, negative voice.  He doesn't yell to get our attention.  He whispers it.  We have to be willing to hear him, and not push it aside.  And after months of feeling like He has been mute, I am beginning to hear Him more and more in messages, songs, people, and in a sermon this week.

I am reading through Praying Circles around your Children for the second time, but it feels like the first.  I am practically highlighting every line.  There is so much wisdom and help for the stages we are in within our family.  I am constantly questioning what it is that makes us all grumpy, or tired, or not feeling well, and why things are so hard, the pre teen emotional stress, the middle child syndrome, the almost three-nager stage, sibling quarreling, exhausted parents who are too tired to really go out on a date.....

  With my health, some christian friends ask me if I am holding on to emotional stress, and I have sought counseling before, and I did counseling for a few months this year. It was helpful, but got to the point where I said one thing and the counselor talked the rest of the time.  I think he needed a coffee date more than anything. 

Our family has sugar in the house, we like our sweets, but I can say we eat healthy and are active. It's like a checklist: did we get good sleep? are we eating good? are we active enough? So why is it when we try everything else, we finally think, oh yeah, prayer!
I don't want it to sound like we don't pray, we pray as a family 3 times a day at meal times, but also during the day for whatever is happening: stress over a speech, a friend issue, heart issue, health, etc.  In Praying Circles I am encouraged to not just say my own worded prayers, but to pray specific scripture over myself, John, and the kids.  I had a brainstorm that if I take my bullet journal and right down each family members name, and a list of current "ailments" and research scripture and right them out, I can memorize them and pray over my family.  I was so excited I could hardly sleep.

In the morning, as I finished writing the names and conflicts we are facing, I was trying to figure out who to start with.  I decided on myself first; many times we are told that the Mom or Wife control the temperature of the household, so if I am ice cold or on fire, ain't nobody doing good up in here, am' I right? 

I wrote out scripture for spiritual warfare, contentment, joy, energy, peace, health/healing, and wisdom.  I focused that morning on my spiritual warfare prayer since I was in tears the morning before from stress of not feeling well....again...and I am so poor in spirit about all that I am actively doing to get better, and I constantly let that loud voice tell me what a horrible job I am doing, or I need to try more, try harder....  

I chose Psalm 34:18 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."  

I read it over and over while getting ready for church and really felt that God is with me on this journey.  It might be a really, really long one and I don't get to say when I want it to be over, but I am never, ever alone, nor am I being punished no matter how bad the enemy wants me to believe that.  God is sovereign and He is compassionate.

During our sermon at church on Sunday, Pastor Dave was teaching us on the test Abraham was going through with God when he had to ban Ishmael from camp.  When Abraham and Sarah laughed that God would provide them a son and they were impatient, Sarah gave her maid servant, Hagar, to Abraham to have an heir.  But that was not God's plan.  God is never early, but He is never late. The Pastors wife reminded us that every promise comes with a process, and broken wounded people make poor decisions, and that's exactly what Sarah did when she found out every month she wasn't pregnant when God had promised her, and she could see the hurt in Abraham's eyes, so she tried to fix the problem. Pastor Dave then read Psalm 34:18 - the exact verse I was memorizing that morning; it was chosen for the sermon.  Coincidence? If you want to make logic out of it, you sure can.  However,  I am choosing to hear God, and when I felt the goosebumps on my arms, I knew He was right there with me saying, 'I have been here, and I will always be with you.  Just trust me, and trust my word, my power and my timing.'  

I will keep praying, reading my Bible, but looking for Him more in other ways, messages in a sermon, a sunrise, a sunset, a hug from a friend who didn't know how much I needed it, a prayer through text from a friend - these are all coming from Him and I am choosing to hear Him that way.