Uninstall + 40 Days of Prayer; Day 1

 Yesterday I sent off my last two Marco's to one of my besties and my mom.  I deleted Facebook and Instagram from my phone. I took email off and realized that isn't going to work as I am helping my cousin plan our grandmother's funeral and need to be able to communicate and send files quicker.  

The goal is to be less on my phone.  The goal is to quiet the chaos that I am purposely putting myself in and setting a boundary.  

Its summer and I loathe the word busy.  An elderly cowboy veternarian told me 5 years ago at our Life Group that BUSY stands for Burden Under Satan's Yoke.  Eww.  No one wants that.  

I read boundaries years ago.  I took a bible study class on what one womans idea of boundaries mean.  I have read Lysa Terkeurst's The Best Yes, and let me tell you what I have encountered.
I still say yes more than no.  When I do say no, people talk over it or talk me into it.  When I send smoke signals, I don't get what I think I should get - sometimes pity or a miracle.  Thats sad to admit, but I need to be honest.  Miracles are for healing the sick, saving the abused, providing for the poor.  I don't believe in works, but I do believe God wants us to be active participants and we can't sit around and wallow in our own circumstances that we got ourselves in.  
I think boundaries is different for many people.  When I hear the word comparison, I think of maybe body images or what cars they have or houses or maybe more material things.  What I have noticed is that I compare myself to what others are bringing to the table and what I am lacking.  If I take a meal to a friend and its dinner, dessert, a card, drinks, throw away dishes, and we prayed over it, that's great.  When I hear others took all that AND breakfast and watched their kids, I feel like a failure. Why didn't I do those things too?  Well, maybe because we had doctors' appointments, or we were leaving town the next day- who knows.  The point is- my meal still provided.  It still blessed.  When I was living out of state our calendar was not as full.  And when your kids are younger, you are home more and it's a different kind of full life.  Now that our kids are older and active in sports, church, activities- we are homeless and our provision for others is different.  Sometimes it is sending money instead of physically helping.  Sometimes its a meal and not childcare or childcare and no meal.  No matter what, praying for the reason, and being thankful to help should always be what brings a smile to Gods face.  Criticizing myself (which sadly can cause criticism of others) is not going to produce a kind heart.  

My boundaries maybe I need more rest than the next person.  Maybe I need more quiet time with God, and I need more discipline with my time.  Social Media is a distraction for me, and so is the Marco app.  I use that to talk to my friend or my mom, which isn't a bad thing- but its 30 minutes I could be praying.  Its 30 minutes of scrolling a day, if not more, that I could be praying.  Following accounts that give me information on bad apps, and parenting with the Lord are things I am going to miss, and I follow a lot of homesteaders which cracks me up because I have a dog.  I don't have chickens, cows, goats, etc. so the information I have is pretty silly. With all that I am inputting and outputting, the tiredness, the overwhelm I keep telling my husband, and there has been no change.  It starts with myself and God - who gives me strength.  Self-care can have a bad taste to most people, and I think its important to be filled up with Gods grace as He abundantly gives and we can pass that on.  It's what I am choosing in the free moments to be filled up that will help me pour out.  Understanding milking cows or what some mom is doing for summer learning is not going to give me endurance when I come back to reality.  It's the time spent with God in whatever He has for me that will bless my family and give me what I am needing.

 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things,  but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

Luke 10:41-42

So today, I started with the removal of obstacles and using that time to sit at His feet....