Mama Tried or Mama Tired or Both?

 I'm tired.  How about you?  And its not like a - I just got done with a good workout or I was on the go all day and had so many things on my to do list, I am like - my brain can't think of certain words tired. I had to apologize to a sales lady because I tried explaining myself a couple times, and it just got worse and worse.  It was pure jibberish and then my eyes got big because I couldn't believe what was coming out. Then I started using my hands, add in the big eyes, jibberish..it was intense.  My teen daughter was like "Mom, I can't even help you at this point..."  It was bad.  I really did think, is this what a stroke is like?  Is this how it starts?   

The holistic world calls it adrenal fatigue and I think more of us have it than not.  Its beyond mom brain.  Its still here after you cut out processed foods, gluten, sugar, and add in vitamin Bs and oils and all.the.things.  And even after you have been diagnosed with adrenal fatigue you have to make the mental connection for yourself.  You can add in supplements, add in walking, meditation, journaling, baths, take naps, and any other remedy- but you are ADDING. Mama, you ARE TRYING.  I SEE YOU.  My functional doctor told me- I can supplement you to death, but unless you get this under control you will never feel better.  So yes, you can add in things to release stress, but it's more of a mental challenge of decluttering anything or any person or conflict or that relentless, mean voice - it's not Gods voice, we know He wouldn't talk to us like that - that is taking rent in your mind and you are paying the price while giving up the space.  You are tired, and you are trying.  I know. 

What are you mentally doing to yourself when you worry about every little thing of your day?  How you are going to get through the day, your to do list, feed all the people, help them with their list of to dos, call all the people to get your people into the doctor, dentist, ortho, and sign them up for all the activities and events and deadlines, and budget your household spending, make breakfast, 2nd breakfast, lunch, all the snacks, dinner, answer all the questions, kiss all the boo-boos, love on the husband,  handle the 23 interruptions you didn't plan for and who is going to give the dog attention? 

Those interruptions are God's plan.  And how do we handle them?  With a smile and a warm welcome like someone opening the door and curtsying?  I can guarantee you I open the door with a mean muggin' face with frazzled hair, oversized shirt with leggings, and say 'what?'.  This is what my kids are getting from me.  And it's because they just said my name once but, in my mind, I am thinking of an email I need to send, respond to this text, print off this paper for the other child, and did I pull chicken out for dinner? They interrupted my cyclone storm in my mind, so I rage instead of respond.

The less we do, the less we join, the less we RSVP, the less we engage in social media, the MORE space we have created to be still.  The more we hear Gods voice, the less we hear of our own dialogue.

It takes time to meal plan, make a grocery list, to cook the meals, to clean up, to do laundry, to plan and homeschool the kids, to get them to activities, to get them to bed, to spend time with the husband, and did someone pet the dog yet?  I can't join the women's bible study at 10 am on Wednesdays and I can't commit to a Moms class at our co op.  Both could be wonderful in building community, learning Gods word, and bringing joy.  Yet, its going to cost me so much in return.  Time. Time to rest, to think, breath, to be available to my kids, time to plan classes I teach at Co Op, and time to be still, and Know His Voice.  Have you ever seen a rose bush in bloom nicely trimmed?  Have you seen a rose bush in bloom overgrown? Its unmanageable and hard to trim with thorns threatening every move. There is nothing wrong with trimming the roses itself, but the bush needs to be manageable.  There is nothing wrong with bible studies, mom classes, gym memberships, book clubs, however it can create a very unmanageable lifestyle.

FOMO is real for all of us and as moms we feel we need to sign up for everything from either being a working mom and having guilt or a homeschooling mom and having guilt.  Guilt is not of the Lord and you can drop that bondage right here, today, now.  Guilt 'motivates us to achieve what we see others doing.   It makes us feel like we are striving for something we will never attain. There is always more that someone else is doing that we feel we need to add. I don't want to survive, I want to thrive.  

To thrive I need to prioritize my calendar.  Jesus went away often to pray alone.  When I prayed about boundaries and what God had to say about this he reminded me of Matthew 13 where Jesus is teaching in the Synagogue at Nazareth and the people want to know where he got his wisdom. They talk among themselves how he is just Joseph and Mary's son, his sisters even run around the town, he's not that great.  So because of their unbelief Jesus cannot perform any big miracles.  In my prayer time, when God sent me this, I realized He was telling me - Jesus had boundaries.  He doesn't need to prove to these people with hardened hearts and veils over their eyes that He is the Messiah.  Why waste his time here when he can move on and find those who thirst?  

My point is this.  Mamas, we try our best and that's all God asks.  He also asks us to come to him, those that are weary and heavy laden - and He will give us rest.  We need this more than any supplement or remedy.  Start here, just pouring your heart out to Him.  My closet floor is a great place for this.  
Then, you cut out any social event that does not bring you peace or joy; you will know.  It will feel like an obligation or you will say you don't want to not go and disappoint your child or your friend, but that is not bringing your best to your self, child, or friends.  Thats people pleasing and an unhealthy approach to life when making decisions.  I have so much respect for those that honor the Lord by being in communication with Him and if its something that they or their family should participate in.  Those fruits, I am looking for in my friends, myself, and my family. 

I've been on a reflective journey and as I process and practice listening and obeying our heavenly Father in a deeper way and allowing white space to be with Him more, I realize God wants whats best for us.  Whether we go to a dinner date on an already crazy day or stay up late watching a movie with a loved one and not getting the greatest sleep - He isn't going to condemn us, He is always there with open arms.  But are we in a place where we are doing the same?  Are we available to Him as much as He is available to us?  And our attitudes- are we smiling or begrudgingly and flippantly talking to Him? I have experienced joy again after deleting all social media (instagram, facebook, pinterest) from my phone, deepening my prayer life, practicing gratitude (the hardest for me is when I have a health flare up - thats where I need to grow especially) and laughing.  Intentionally joking, smiling, laughing.  I have a friend who is very intentional about this, and its so attractive to me that I wanted to implement it.  When Jesus told the disciples to dust of their sandals when people don't want to hear the Good News, I also feel that we are to do the same - dust of our shoes when we are around those that don't reflect Gods light nor want to grow in Gods grace.  We can be a light to others - but we can't be blind to those who can snuff ours out and our walk and our families pay the price.  Be wise, and reading a chapter from Proverbs daily will encourage you greatly in this area. 

Our walk, talk, private thoughts - the way we fuel our bodies - are we reflecting His goodness?  We are tired Mamas/Papas who are trying our best, and we can bathe ourselves in grace when we read His word, Praise His name, pour out our hearts, and commit all our moments to Him and His will.  We need to be willing and it starts with decluttering our minds to make room for His Voice.  When we don't listen to Him and our conscience (the Holy Spirit) we are derailing our faith and I don't want anyone to end up there.

Blessings,
Nicole