Why we decided to homeschool.
When I get asked this question, I try to find the 'right' answer. We have the most supportive family and we have rarely been asked why in the first place so that might have something to do with it, so we are very thankful for that.
Let me set the scene. This drama will be written by yours truly, because I am just as emotional and sensitive as my first born, if not MORE.
Kindergarten: We were living in Baltimore and Peanut was headed to another year of preschool while turning 5 since she has a later birthday. I cringe at thinking how I called the district to see if she could 'test in' to kindergarten. Oh how little did I know. She was past the cut off date to do so, Thank you God, so preschool it was. It was such a loving, sweet place, and I made my mommy friends there that I still keep up with via Facebook and I truly love them. I don't think they know, because life is beautiful but hard and connections can be lost. For that, I am truly thankful for Facebook, for once. Kindergarten in Baltimore was all day, everyday. Peanut was out of naps, so I knew she would be OK in that aspect, but I knew she would be emotionally exhausted. I don't know when things started to be hard, I would say about mid year, and she would fight me on clothes, food, and actually going to school. One day she broke down and said she worried about her Dad getting hurt at work and dying, and the house catching on fire with her sister and I at home. We knew we needed help. We started outside counseling. I did not love her counselor but she was helping Peanut so that was good. At school she had a little girl who gave her such a hard time about liking pink, and puppies and told Peanut that God doesn't exist because she wanted to be a boy, so why didn't God do that? Then this girl invited Peanut to her birthday party. Peanut knew she loved spider man so we got her a Spider man kickball, folder, pen, etc. Peanut was so excited to see her face when she opened up her gift, and this girl rolled her eyes and walked away. Peanut couldn't win. Another girl told Peanut her clothes were not fashionable enough. Peanut had so much stress in the mornings, you could not tell her otherwise about anything, because she knew that this girl would verbally attack her. Then she would want to play with Peanut, she was so confused on what friendship really was. By the end of her counseling she was sent to a psychologist for testing for ADD and I had to give her ballet teacher and Kindergarten teacher a form to fill out. The teachers noticed nothing of her being anywhere near ADD/ADHD, but what I noticed at this first meeting, as I rushed to this appointment right after school was that she was trying to sit, then stand, she was twitching her hands and could not sit still. I had never seen Peanut do this, and to this day not do it. But what kind of message was I sending her by doing all this? She had been asked to sit and perform for 6 hours that day and then I take her to a new lady we had never met and she needed to answer all these questions. I thought then I was helping her, that's what loved ones do for one another. The professionals said they couldn't find anything that needed attention, that she just needed a sticker/goal chart to keep her moving forward.
That summer Hubby got a job back in Idaho so we moved at the end of July, started a public school in the district we were purchasing a house in. The principal asked about Peanut and her needs, I explained that her Kindergarten teacher was good, however she was quiet, did not smile and in Baltimore you are unable to touch a child, as in a hug, a pat on the back, a high five-nothing. At least in the school we attended. For Peanut, she never knew where she stood with her teacher and like I explained, she didn't understand friendship at all with the confusing signals she was getting from her peers. So the principal placed Peanut with a sweet, kind, huggable, lovable Mrs F. Mrs. F has the most beautiful smile, and the sweetest demeanor. She's outspoken, but not obnoxious, she introduced Peanut right away and gave her a hug. I volunteered every Thursday that year from lunch till the end of the school day to help with math, checking in homework, anything else. I have no problems taking out the trash, vacuuming, sharpening pencils, etc. {RANT BEGIN SCENE Teachers have SO MUCH on their plate, it truly overwhelms my mind to think of all the things they have to do. Do teachers get holidays and summers off? YES Do they deal with constant meetings with their superiors and have to constantly adapt to new rules and regulations? YES Do they have to deal with THAT CHILD and THOSE PARENTS? YES YES YES. Don't ever talk bad about teachers in front of me or my children, there are good, bad and indifferent in their profession just like ANY OTHER. You can't lump the greats into the same pile as the ones who SHOULD NOT BE TEACHING. You advocate for your child and community and fight for the good ones and ask for the not so good ones to change or get out. RANT END SCENE}
While I volunteered I noticed Peanut blossoming and making friends. Friends gave Peanut their moms number and I gave her mine to give out-lets start this process over and make some new friends now that we are in Idaho. I liked being in the classroom so I could put faces to names and the best was when I started eating lunch with them. The one time they don't have to hug themselves or hold a bubble in their mouth. No agenda, just food with friends-social time. I could not believe what was happening in the cafeteria. Orange construction cones (small ones of course, still obnoxious though yes?) were being placed on tables that were 'too loud'. By 'too loud', I mean 'talking'. They were placed in front of me, and sometimes with a greeting of 'FIRST GRADERS-TOO LOUD, NO TALKING'. What in the what? I would still continue to talk to Peanut and the look in her face was terror. She was scared to talk to her mom during lunch. Punishment by talking while cone is on table, or forgetting to put silverware in the bucket before dumping tray is a scolding and sitting on the stage in front of all the other children. SHAME. THEY ARE SHAMING THE CHILDREN WHO WANT TO SOCIALIZE AND WHO FORGET TO PUT A SPOON IN BUCKET. I am sure it costs the school hundreds of dollars to replace silverware when kids constantly forget, but the time I surprised Peanut on her birthday to eat with her, she forgot but hadn't thrown the spoon away, she turned to put it in the bucket and was met with an older gentlemen who yelled-YELLED at her and made her sit on the stage. Her eyes had alligator tears and her chin was quivering. I could not believe my eyes. Happy Birthday Peanut.
I talked to the principal about this and she assured me that she would talk to the person in charge of the cafeteria employees, who were special needs and sometimes spoke loud anyways, which I understand. After many months and emails sent back and forth nothing really changed. Cones every time I came to eat, and adults talking poorly to students, and I never did see the principal come to the cafeteria like she told me she would. She could have gone on other days, but there was never a change.
2nd grade rolls around and now I am volunteering on Tuesdays to help kids practice reading and staying for lunch with Peanut. Orange cones, check, harassing Kindergartners to 'hurry up!', check, adults in charge talking disrespectful to kids, check. "FIX IT, OR I WILL FIX IT FOR YOU". What does that even mean? What are you going to fix for them? They want to eat and talk to their friends. How I would love to follow these adults home and do this to them at THEIR dinner table. Could you imagine?
I was asked to help kids practice reading. Then I realized I was helping kids learn to read as fast as they can, don't stop for punctuation, go ahead and skip some words and be happy when you are done. What did you just read? I have no idea. Every. Single. Time. No wonder my 2nd grader hated reading, her homework to read for 20 minutes (another timed activity) and math that her mom and dad could not help her with because we were teaching her to borrow-no no. So we had to remember the math tree and regrouping. Homework that was tearful, ran into trying to make dinner, and hurry up and take your shower and get to bed to start over again.
But wait, there's more. How do you like to start your mornings? Coffee, tea and the news? How do your kids like to start their day? Once you get to work, how do you like to be greeted? How do you like to start your work flow? Lets ponder at what 2nd graders get to do shallst we?
Peanut plays great one on one with certain girls she met in first grade whom she is still friends with. If all of them are together, Peanut gets hurt some how, some way, so I do what God has told me to do from her birth, Love her, protect her, make her strong. Sometimes that looks like choices of not going to parties, not inviting them to parties, and spending one on one time with them. Its been hell on my friendships, but I am a Mom first. So we chose to stop riding the bus that was full of bad language, bullying, and horrible behavior. I drove her to school. So her mornings consisted of getting up at 700, cuddle with me on the couch, watch a show, breakfast, get dressed, bible, devotion and out the door. Sadly, it was filled with lots of 'hurry up, we are going to be late, why didn't you do this last night?' No matter what we prepared the night before, we were always rushing. I walked her to her classroom where I told her it was going to be so much fun, and she just dreaded it. One morning she said when we are late I owe my recess. Pardon me? The tardy bell is at 805 honey, you are always at your door by 8. Yes, but I am late! Hmmm. So one rough morning, she opens the door and I hear "Hurry up Peanut, your late, set your stuff down and lets go." What in the what? So I head to the principals office and ask for confirmation on bell times. She sees me confused, and waddling might I add. Due the day after the last day of school. With my 4 year old in hand. I don't understand how Peanut is late if shes not? And she has to hurry up to sit down to do a 2 minute timed math drill and if she doesn't finish it she owes her recess? She hates her day before it starts. Before she gets out of bed. So I made sure she was there by 755 the rest of the year, but it was a bad way to start your day. Always anxious. The principal explained that since kids are their by 730 for breakfast they are in the classroom at 755 looking for something to do so math drills are they way to do it, but she would talk to the teacher about 'owing recess'. Do you go to work and hurry up and do drills? Do you get to say Good Morning and get a smile? How do you think kids feel by starting their day like this? What are we preparing them for?
Let me set the scene. This drama will be written by yours truly, because I am just as emotional and sensitive as my first born, if not MORE.
Kindergarten: We were living in Baltimore and Peanut was headed to another year of preschool while turning 5 since she has a later birthday. I cringe at thinking how I called the district to see if she could 'test in' to kindergarten. Oh how little did I know. She was past the cut off date to do so, Thank you God, so preschool it was. It was such a loving, sweet place, and I made my mommy friends there that I still keep up with via Facebook and I truly love them. I don't think they know, because life is beautiful but hard and connections can be lost. For that, I am truly thankful for Facebook, for once. Kindergarten in Baltimore was all day, everyday. Peanut was out of naps, so I knew she would be OK in that aspect, but I knew she would be emotionally exhausted. I don't know when things started to be hard, I would say about mid year, and she would fight me on clothes, food, and actually going to school. One day she broke down and said she worried about her Dad getting hurt at work and dying, and the house catching on fire with her sister and I at home. We knew we needed help. We started outside counseling. I did not love her counselor but she was helping Peanut so that was good. At school she had a little girl who gave her such a hard time about liking pink, and puppies and told Peanut that God doesn't exist because she wanted to be a boy, so why didn't God do that? Then this girl invited Peanut to her birthday party. Peanut knew she loved spider man so we got her a Spider man kickball, folder, pen, etc. Peanut was so excited to see her face when she opened up her gift, and this girl rolled her eyes and walked away. Peanut couldn't win. Another girl told Peanut her clothes were not fashionable enough. Peanut had so much stress in the mornings, you could not tell her otherwise about anything, because she knew that this girl would verbally attack her. Then she would want to play with Peanut, she was so confused on what friendship really was. By the end of her counseling she was sent to a psychologist for testing for ADD and I had to give her ballet teacher and Kindergarten teacher a form to fill out. The teachers noticed nothing of her being anywhere near ADD/ADHD, but what I noticed at this first meeting, as I rushed to this appointment right after school was that she was trying to sit, then stand, she was twitching her hands and could not sit still. I had never seen Peanut do this, and to this day not do it. But what kind of message was I sending her by doing all this? She had been asked to sit and perform for 6 hours that day and then I take her to a new lady we had never met and she needed to answer all these questions. I thought then I was helping her, that's what loved ones do for one another. The professionals said they couldn't find anything that needed attention, that she just needed a sticker/goal chart to keep her moving forward.
That summer Hubby got a job back in Idaho so we moved at the end of July, started a public school in the district we were purchasing a house in. The principal asked about Peanut and her needs, I explained that her Kindergarten teacher was good, however she was quiet, did not smile and in Baltimore you are unable to touch a child, as in a hug, a pat on the back, a high five-nothing. At least in the school we attended. For Peanut, she never knew where she stood with her teacher and like I explained, she didn't understand friendship at all with the confusing signals she was getting from her peers. So the principal placed Peanut with a sweet, kind, huggable, lovable Mrs F. Mrs. F has the most beautiful smile, and the sweetest demeanor. She's outspoken, but not obnoxious, she introduced Peanut right away and gave her a hug. I volunteered every Thursday that year from lunch till the end of the school day to help with math, checking in homework, anything else. I have no problems taking out the trash, vacuuming, sharpening pencils, etc. {RANT BEGIN SCENE Teachers have SO MUCH on their plate, it truly overwhelms my mind to think of all the things they have to do. Do teachers get holidays and summers off? YES Do they deal with constant meetings with their superiors and have to constantly adapt to new rules and regulations? YES Do they have to deal with THAT CHILD and THOSE PARENTS? YES YES YES. Don't ever talk bad about teachers in front of me or my children, there are good, bad and indifferent in their profession just like ANY OTHER. You can't lump the greats into the same pile as the ones who SHOULD NOT BE TEACHING. You advocate for your child and community and fight for the good ones and ask for the not so good ones to change or get out. RANT END SCENE}
While I volunteered I noticed Peanut blossoming and making friends. Friends gave Peanut their moms number and I gave her mine to give out-lets start this process over and make some new friends now that we are in Idaho. I liked being in the classroom so I could put faces to names and the best was when I started eating lunch with them. The one time they don't have to hug themselves or hold a bubble in their mouth. No agenda, just food with friends-social time. I could not believe what was happening in the cafeteria. Orange construction cones (small ones of course, still obnoxious though yes?) were being placed on tables that were 'too loud'. By 'too loud', I mean 'talking'. They were placed in front of me, and sometimes with a greeting of 'FIRST GRADERS-TOO LOUD, NO TALKING'. What in the what? I would still continue to talk to Peanut and the look in her face was terror. She was scared to talk to her mom during lunch. Punishment by talking while cone is on table, or forgetting to put silverware in the bucket before dumping tray is a scolding and sitting on the stage in front of all the other children. SHAME. THEY ARE SHAMING THE CHILDREN WHO WANT TO SOCIALIZE AND WHO FORGET TO PUT A SPOON IN BUCKET. I am sure it costs the school hundreds of dollars to replace silverware when kids constantly forget, but the time I surprised Peanut on her birthday to eat with her, she forgot but hadn't thrown the spoon away, she turned to put it in the bucket and was met with an older gentlemen who yelled-YELLED at her and made her sit on the stage. Her eyes had alligator tears and her chin was quivering. I could not believe my eyes. Happy Birthday Peanut.
I talked to the principal about this and she assured me that she would talk to the person in charge of the cafeteria employees, who were special needs and sometimes spoke loud anyways, which I understand. After many months and emails sent back and forth nothing really changed. Cones every time I came to eat, and adults talking poorly to students, and I never did see the principal come to the cafeteria like she told me she would. She could have gone on other days, but there was never a change.
2nd grade rolls around and now I am volunteering on Tuesdays to help kids practice reading and staying for lunch with Peanut. Orange cones, check, harassing Kindergartners to 'hurry up!', check, adults in charge talking disrespectful to kids, check. "FIX IT, OR I WILL FIX IT FOR YOU". What does that even mean? What are you going to fix for them? They want to eat and talk to their friends. How I would love to follow these adults home and do this to them at THEIR dinner table. Could you imagine?
I was asked to help kids practice reading. Then I realized I was helping kids learn to read as fast as they can, don't stop for punctuation, go ahead and skip some words and be happy when you are done. What did you just read? I have no idea. Every. Single. Time. No wonder my 2nd grader hated reading, her homework to read for 20 minutes (another timed activity) and math that her mom and dad could not help her with because we were teaching her to borrow-no no. So we had to remember the math tree and regrouping. Homework that was tearful, ran into trying to make dinner, and hurry up and take your shower and get to bed to start over again.
But wait, there's more. How do you like to start your mornings? Coffee, tea and the news? How do your kids like to start their day? Once you get to work, how do you like to be greeted? How do you like to start your work flow? Lets ponder at what 2nd graders get to do shallst we?
Peanut plays great one on one with certain girls she met in first grade whom she is still friends with. If all of them are together, Peanut gets hurt some how, some way, so I do what God has told me to do from her birth, Love her, protect her, make her strong. Sometimes that looks like choices of not going to parties, not inviting them to parties, and spending one on one time with them. Its been hell on my friendships, but I am a Mom first. So we chose to stop riding the bus that was full of bad language, bullying, and horrible behavior. I drove her to school. So her mornings consisted of getting up at 700, cuddle with me on the couch, watch a show, breakfast, get dressed, bible, devotion and out the door. Sadly, it was filled with lots of 'hurry up, we are going to be late, why didn't you do this last night?' No matter what we prepared the night before, we were always rushing. I walked her to her classroom where I told her it was going to be so much fun, and she just dreaded it. One morning she said when we are late I owe my recess. Pardon me? The tardy bell is at 805 honey, you are always at your door by 8. Yes, but I am late! Hmmm. So one rough morning, she opens the door and I hear "Hurry up Peanut, your late, set your stuff down and lets go." What in the what? So I head to the principals office and ask for confirmation on bell times. She sees me confused, and waddling might I add. Due the day after the last day of school. With my 4 year old in hand. I don't understand how Peanut is late if shes not? And she has to hurry up to sit down to do a 2 minute timed math drill and if she doesn't finish it she owes her recess? She hates her day before it starts. Before she gets out of bed. So I made sure she was there by 755 the rest of the year, but it was a bad way to start your day. Always anxious. The principal explained that since kids are their by 730 for breakfast they are in the classroom at 755 looking for something to do so math drills are they way to do it, but she would talk to the teacher about 'owing recess'. Do you go to work and hurry up and do drills? Do you get to say Good Morning and get a smile? How do you think kids feel by starting their day like this? What are we preparing them for?
Bathroom Breaks. Are you kidding me all
up and down and all over the place? I almost have to do the hand gesture of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit we learned in Catholic School when I talk about this mess. I need the spirit to calm me, because we all
know how painful potty training can be.
Then we get to school and have issues all over again. 1rst grade-not a problem. Mrs F stopped numerous times during the day
for kids to go between specials, recess and lunch, and still let them go during
‘instruction time’. 2nd grade
however, you have to have a fully trained bladder/bowel system or you are
doomed. You loose recess time. You have to come back to class and sit with
your head down for 5 minutes. You need
to shame yourself because your body had to go to the bathroom. My daughter asked her music teacher if she
could use the bathroom and he smiled graciously and said yes. When her homeroom teacher showed up, he ‘tattled’
on her and she had to shame herself. She
saw a friend actually pee her pants in music class.
Then the teachers who hate teaching. Enter the music teacher. He would completely embarrass them and make them feel like they were dumb. I was actually busted by the principal by standing outside of the classroom listening to the teacher. When he had aides or parents come in, he was a charmer, a gem, a delight. The principal actually rolled her eyes at me. I asked around and received a message to call a friend who informed me that her husband had to call the teacher and tell him to stop making their daughter owe recess over music class. He was also suspended for a year for reasons unknown to me. I think he has won many awards, and to some he was the best teacher ever. My daughter went from singing all the time to crying everyday Music was on the calendar. She hated it.
I'm not a sneaky parent, or one who points fingers. I gave public school 3 years of my daughters life that we won't get back. I am an advocate for my child and I felt the public school was the best place for our Christian family to witness to kids and be our mission field, but we were losing badly. Back in counseling, and her counselor assured me her rise in clients being students was from curriculum and homework. By the end of this couselors sessions she confirmed what we already knew: Peanut is sensitive and the pressures of schoolwork and social standards were pushing on her. She was given tools to help her anxiety. In January of 2014 I cried every night thinking of sending our 2nd child there. I asked my husband again if we could openly pray about homeschooling, that I would start the research and I would take it all on. He said yes. We asked our church to privately pray for us and I devoured many books from the library. We asked God for signs to make sure it wasn't just me wanting to see if the grass on the other side was greener. The 2nd to last day of 2nd grade was rough, drama here, drama there, drama everywhere. We had bought Peanuts a beautiful sun dress and she asked weeks before to wear it for the last day of school. We even found a cute necklace to go with it. The morning of she did not want to go. I told her honey, you will go and have an end of year party, say goodbye to your teacher and friends and get your report card, its only a half day, it will be awesome! She took the bait unwillingly, and when I walked her to class I pulled the teacher aside. She's not thrilled to be here, something happened yesterday. You are over it, I am over it, I can't handle this drama one bit. I am having a baby tomorrow and my mom has been driving me around for 2 weeks. You call me the minute she is called to the conflict corner by another child and we are out of here. She smiled and said no problem! Noon. Smiling faces all around, teachers are rejoicing, parents are rejoicing, we are excited to see our kids and not have to sign homework journals, and be presentable by 8 am. I see Peanut and I think oh crud. She cried from the time we got in the car till we got to the movies. My mom and I thought since I was having horrible groin cramps that crippled me, we better entertain these kids while sitting down. Before then we ran to Michael's Craft store to purchase items for her Girl Scout Sit Upon bucket. She was just...so sad. She finally said she was pulled to the conflict corner 4 times, girls were mad because she wouldn't run with them. She had her sundress on and it only allowed her legs to go about shoulder distant apart. Then other girls were mad she wouldn't play with them on the last day of school. SHE COULDN'T WIN. By winning, I mean she couldn't stay out of drama. She was the common denominator in her own problems. I am not pointing fingers at her, nor her Friends. But it was not working. Her character was broken, she was sad, headaches, stomachaches, she hated learning and thought she was dumb.
Sometimes advocating means trying something new. Putting faith in ourselves as parents and saying this isn't the same kind of school we went to as kids. This isn't the same world, and we have a say in how she is being brought up. I missed her when she was gone and cringed when she came home because I hated the homework and social politics. I wanted to go to work full time so I didn't have to be the first one home to hear about it. I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings to deal with the rushing and complaining and dragging.
Sometimes advocating means trying something new. Putting faith in ourselves as parents and saying this isn't the same kind of school we went to as kids. This isn't the same world, and we have a say in how she is being brought up. I missed her when she was gone and cringed when she came home because I hated the homework and social politics. I wanted to go to work full time so I didn't have to be the first one home to hear about it. I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings to deal with the rushing and complaining and dragging.
Little Man was a few weeks old when I met with a group of ladies who meet regularly to give support to other Homeschooling Moms. I had read all the books, blogs, facebook pages, pinterest boards and needed reality. I need to hear/see what these homeschoolers looked like. Little Man screamed all the time in the car and I was exhausted. I almost didn't go. I remember crying and my husband saying tell me what you want me to do and I said pray. I couldn't ask him to come because the girls would come and we weren't telling them our feelings of the last 6 months. Little Man slept the 25 minutes there, 2 hours at park and 25 minute car ride home. God is so good. I was able to ask questions freely without judgement and meet a variety of families. It was like a warm cup of coffee with a friend encouraging you to do what you think is best and they support you no matter what. There was no bashing of public school, teachers, ways to homeschool, curriculum, and so on. Just a big hug of encouragement and well wishes and love. If you live around Boise and need this group, its called SELAH and its been a blessing to our family.
I came home beaming and told John, we got another sign. Its going to be hard, messy, chaotic, simple, God driven, and perfect for us. So that evening Peanut said something about being happy she got the teacher she wanted next year and Hubby said, not really. Your mom is your teacher. I stopped, mid chop and stared wild eyed and he said "well, we have to tell them sometime". Peanut was confused so I said, "You have asked to be homeschooled and before we said no, but we have been praying for months and asked for prayers and we are going to start homeschooling this next year." I was waiting for the tears of sadness since she got the teacher she requested and she'd miss her friends. She ran around the kitchen table and hugged me and kept asking if we were serious and she was delighted. She couldn't believe it. Jellybean was really confused because all year taking her sister to school we said you are coming here! and now we slammed on the brakes and said you are staying home.
We are in our second year, still newbies, but I love it. Peanut prefers it to public school and Jellybean misses preschool because she got to play all the time. Jellybean has learned how to read and enjoys math and any movie/videos I use for any subject. She is taking PE, LEGOS, and World History at our Co-Op. Peanut now devours books and tolerates math, she is taking Drama, Art and Idaho History at our Co-Op and enjoys Minecraft, Music, Sports, and Fashion and has no anxiety, stress headaches/stomachaches.
We are in our second year, still newbies, but I love it. Peanut prefers it to public school and Jellybean misses preschool because she got to play all the time. Jellybean has learned how to read and enjoys math and any movie/videos I use for any subject. She is taking PE, LEGOS, and World History at our Co-Op. Peanut now devours books and tolerates math, she is taking Drama, Art and Idaho History at our Co-Op and enjoys Minecraft, Music, Sports, and Fashion and has no anxiety, stress headaches/stomachaches.
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